


Ashes

by dirtyclaws



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 23:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10346784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtyclaws/pseuds/dirtyclaws
Summary: Solas comforts Lavellan after the death of her clan, and she begins to heal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first shit show I've ever written lol good luck

Kili clutched the paper, her eyes circling over the note again and again. First the name of her keeper. Then her brother. Her father, her mother, her friends, all blending into one blurred image.

_By the time we arrived, none of the Dalish remained. A fair few of the bandits were dead, and we killed those that remained with only minimal injuries. We burned the bodies and recovered any artifacts we could, as well as a jar of ashes for Inquisitor Lavellan. We send our condolences as well._

Leliana had handed her the report with a murmur of apology and soft, empathetic eyes. Kili remembered the feeling of dread raking it's claws on her inside, guessing what the report contained. At least a few dead, maybe even six or seven. But this? An entire clan, wiped away like it had never existed? She hadn't expected that. Even if she had, she never would've been prepared for it.

Kili scrubbed her eyes furiously, wiping away tears before they could start to fall. She couldn't cry, not over this. People needed her. She had things to do. People lost their loved ones every day, especially now. She needed to get over it and move on.

A soft knock on the door made her jump, looking up. "Vhenan," a soft voice called.

Kili set the note aside, next to the jar of ashes on her bedside table. She walked slowly down the stairs, taking her time to try and get rid of the tears. She didn't want to cry in front of anyone, least of all Solas.

Emotions finally contained, she opened the door. Solas stood, hand raised to knock again, gentle sympathy showing on his face. He lowered his arm, holding both out for a hug. Without a second thought, Kili threw herself into his arms and burst into tears.

"It's okay. I'm here." He rubbed her back gently as she sobbed into his shoulder, closing and locking the door behind him. "You can cry in peace."

He picked her up, still crying softly into his shoulder, and carried her up the stairs, gently laying her down on the bed and hugging her. Kili clung to him, feeling his necklace leave an imprint in her torso from how tightly she was holding.

After a few minutes, she pulled away to look up at him, slowly regaining her composure. "How did you find out?"

"Leliana thought you may want comfort." Solas traced the vallaslin gently under her eyes, wiping her tears away with his thumb. Kili looked back down and curled up closer to his chest.

"It's okay to grieve, lethallin," said Solas. "Letting it consume you is destructive, but you cannot expect yourself to feel nothing at a loss so great." He kissed the top of her head. "Your duties will be taken care of for a few days without you. For now, rest."

**+++**

"Letting her go is not an option. It is far too risky." Cullen leaned on the war table, glancing around at those gathered. The Inquisitor's companions and advisors, as well as Morrigan, were all gathered in the room.

Kili had requested a short trip to the Emerald Graves to grieve the loss of her clan. It would have been a simple request, had she not asked to go alone.

"Forgive me, commander, but I think that Inquisitor Lavellan has made it clear if she wants to do something, she will," said Leliana, earning several murmurs of agreement. Next to the door, Bull chuckled. While Kili took advice, no one could divert her from a course she set herself on.

"Darling, she's grieving. If we refuse to let her go, that distraction may kill her anyways," said Vivienne. "The Inquisitor is more than capable of defending herself. If a short trip to the Emerald Graves grants her closure, I see no reason to refuse her."

"I can always have one of my agents follow her in secrecy," suggested Leliana.

"No." Solas's soft voice came from the side of the room, and everyone turned towards the elven apostate. "She suspects that already, and will most likely put measures to prevent it."

"We still need someone to watch her," Morrigan said. "I have no doubt in the Inquisitor's ability to defend herself. But we need her alive. The risk of something unexpected happening is simply too great to ignore."

Cassandra made a disgusted noise and smacked the table with her palm in frustration. "For the love of the Maker, just let her go alone. We've been debating this for hours on end. Have her take a hart and do what she needs, then ride back up. If she isn't back to Skyhold in a week, we will start searching."

After a few seconds of silence, several sounds of agreement rang out. People started walking out and returning to their duties, until it was only Solas and Cassandra who remained.

Solas drifted forward, running his the tips of his fingers lightly across the war table. "I'm surprised, Seeker. You are usually not a voice of outspoken leadership in these situations."

Cassandra sighed and ran a hand through her short hair. "Kili is... one of my dearest friends. She is hurt beyond belief, and we are here arguing over whether or not to let her heal." She clenched her fist, then slowly released it and sighed again. "When Anthony died it took me years to recover. I have no love for my family in Nevarra, but even so it would be shocking to lose them all at once."

"All of her family and friends have died at once. And we cannot give her anything but a jar of ashes." Cassandra looked up at Solas. "I too am concerned for her safety. But if we do not let her do this, she will be far worse off."

Solas placed an awkward hand on the Seeker's shoulder as a gesture of comfort. "Thank you Seeker. I am... grateful she has a friend such as you."

**+++**

Her feet dangled off the edge of the cliff, ankles rubbing against the rock. She'd taken off her shoes and let her toes run through the grass and dirt. It had given her a childish, almost foolish delight to revert to a habit she'd had as a child. Additionally, it was the first time she'd gotten to relax in months since she joined the Inquisition.

For the first time in a very long time, Kili was relaxed.

The loss of her clan tore at her. It jabbed at her heart and forced a hollow, dull ache in her throat, as though she had swallowed a bone. It hurt. But she knew that with time, it would be okay. And that thought gave her peace.

Kili finally stood and walked to her hart. It rumbled as it grazed, perfectly content to stay as long as there was food. She pulled out the jar of ashes from a saddle bag, as well as Cullen's report.

Sitting back down at the cliff's edge, she pulled the lid off the jar and picked up Cullen's report, willing her hand to burn with magic. The report curled in on itself, adding more ash to the jar.

Once the report was gone, Kili took a deep, steadying breath. It was time to move on and heal.

Reaching into the jar, she pulled out a fistful of ashes and let it sift between her fingers, the wind scattering it over the cliff. One fistful for her family. One for her best friend. One for her keeper. One for the memory of her first hunt. Fistful by fistful, the ashes disappeared, carried by the wind. Even as tears pricked her eyes and the hollow ache returned, she laughed and smiled at her memories, letting herself be swept up by her emotions until none of them remained.

Soon, the jar was empty. Kili threw one last group of ashes in the air, smiling as she remembered a baby Halla being born. She put her boots back on and stood up. Then, she threw the jar as hard as she could, hearing it make a satisfying crash against the rocks below. Dusting herself off, she swung back up onto the hart, tugging the reins and nudging it forward.

It still hurt. But she was ready to go back.


End file.
